I Just Gotta

Maybe it's the pressure of moving into a big university, or the sudden realisation that I'm not going to be studying at home anymore nor having my family around me (don't make me decide whether that's good or particularly bad), or the ever persistence of my nagging grandmother persuading me to finish up all my preparations to go to campus next week--this time of all time, I feel lifeless.

The night of all nights, where the local Indians just drawed their curtains down after an eventful Deepavali celebration, of bright colours of traditional clothing and the aromatic spiciness of glorious Indian food--I couldn't help but to feel drained and empty. Why? I don't know.

Everybody hates me, I hate everybody, I hate the world, nobody cares, nobody gives a shit tralala lala...

No, it's not my time of the month yet, thanks. I guess it's another one of those things one just couldn't explain; the sudden wave of hollowness swept over you before you know it, amongst all the trillion things buzzing every millisecond in your head. Suddenly you don't feel like caring for anything in this world, you don't want to think of anything that you usually do and really, you just couldn't give a damn. And what, pray tell, should you do about it? Allow me.

I grasped that free time I had and I clenched it tightly in my fist (hell yeah). At that very moment, for the life of me I couldn't give a fork about anything at all. Popped in a DVD I knew would leave me feeling satiated--Kate & Leopold. Who gave a fudge if it was a romantic comedy--I love this movie. Slathered a good amount of lotus-scented lotion on my arms and shoulders--HEAVEN. And topping off with a healthy dose of almond pecan praline ice cream, eaten from the bucket itself. Lovely. I didn't finished it of course, but I did leave it to melt in all its watery glory of fat, sugar, fat and sugar. Did I bother? The hell.

Sigh, Kate & Leopold never fails to make me warm inside (as warm as that melted ice cream hoho). Although Leopold, Third Duke of Albany would be my ultimate ideal life partner (besides V) that will never come true, it was still okay to just watch.

I'm still feeling a tad bit of that indescribable hollowness, yet I'm content. I shall sink in slumber now, with Leopold, his gentlemanly charm and enchanting chivalry.

Don't mind me.

Edit: Two days after all this heavy angst, my menses did their monthly visit. Blame the hormones, yes.