The Essay is Complete [Revised]

Alright, I admit the first essay I posted was a bit...immature. It had some sort of a know-it-all tone to it. It had that mocking vibe--that subtle harshness. It was not even close to an ultimate supreme essay; more of a half-attempt kid's soggy work. Mere scratchings. Ughh.

I know, how could I. After being poked and prodded here and there (with the help of Pinky!), here's the revised version of the essay.

REVISED

I am an average teenager. I come from what is an increasingly normal background: my parents were divorced when I was 6; therefore I lived with my grandmother throughout my schooling years and spend the weekends/holidays with both sides of my parents. During my transitional stage from a child to an adolescent, it was my grandmother whose religious teachings made me a dutiful practitioner of my faith and I could not thank her enough till today. I had my ups and downs but nonetheless, I still feel very lucky to have a supportive, if spread out, family behind me.

My past achievements were neither exceptional nor extraordinary; they were average yet memorable in my years of schooling. My studies in school were average as well; I loved Pendidikan Seni, I adored Information Technology classes and additionally, Add Math drove me crazy.

I had never gotten below an A for Pendidikan Islam, as I always made sure I had to do well in Islamic studies, even if I was failing Fizik (personally, I thought it was a shame NOT to do well in religious studies, moreover if it was about one’s own religion).

After my SPM in 2005, I enrolled into The One Academy of Communication Design in Petaling Jaya for a year before I realised I was not achieving my full potential in my studies. It was evident that I was excelling more in literary and communicative abilities over visual or applied art skills, even though I am fairly good in art. Given much thought and re-evaluation, I decided it was for the best and opted to withdraw from the institution. I choose IIUM and I am adamant—I am not turning back.

I would describe my own nature as being a curious teenager. I am curious about a great deal of things; modern history, anthropology, cultural studies, politics; but my main curiosity centers around religion. Specifically, Islam. Yes, I am curious about my religion, the very religion I grew up with and have faith in all my life. At present, I see seemingly never-ending series of miscellaneous events occurring around the world in the name of Islam; consist mostly of tragedies than joy and pride. Locally, I see more Muslims taint themselves in confounding ways—including yours truly—and these new defiled values get assimilated into our culture and society. And I find it all ironic as most of us already embraced Islamic studies even before we can read or write. Therefore I wonder; what exactly went wrong here? What happened to us? Islam is a complete religion that covers all aspects of life. Is this spiritual or material corruption?

In secondary school, I once observed my class monitor who was a Christian. She seemed very devoted to Christianity—she carried her Bible everywhere she goes; also an active Christian in her religious club and her church. Apart that she was a top student, I envied her. I envied her devotion to her religion; I envied her air of serenity every time she walked around clutching her plastic file filled with her notes and the Bible. How I longed to be like her. And how I wanted that. I wanted that sense of devotion to MY religion, that serenity of being devoted to MY faith. Until now, I want that very much.

I am on a quest. I want to go back to the roots of my faith and seek the absolute truths for myself. I want to be more knowledgeable about my religion; I want to learn and gain more about Islam, so much more than just memorising facts in Islamic textbooks to excel in exams. My ultimate goal is to grasp both Western and Islamic perspectives of communication, anthropology and literature, therefore in return, I will be able contribute to my society by enlightening them on these subjects and breaking the norms of archaic thinking and beliefs which sometimes holding us back from progressing further in life. I am no longer willing to continue my blind faith of Islam or the endless reinterpretations of Islam.

No longer am I following my culture’s Islam, my society’s Islam, or my country’s Islam. There is only ONE Islam, and that is my religion. And, Insyaallah [in God's will], maybe this journey I am taking to help myself will be the benefit of me to help others who are also in spiritual turmoil—exactly as I am now.

Copyright © by Amierah Amer.

This is officially the last entry for my uni application process. Now I am to wait, pray and hope for the best to come. The Deputy Dean's reply. Will definitely post up the good--or bad news as soon as it comes.

Wish me luck, y'all. Peace. Out.